Wednesday, March 25, 2009

It's a Cryin' Shame!

Today's flavor - tequila - reminds you of bad choices and worse consequences.

There's something about people declaring: "Shame on you!" or "You should be ashamed of yourself!" that really makes me want to start throwing tomatoes (or something else that will get messy - I really like tomatoes, so I wouldn't want to waste them). In the space of the nano-second following the remark's utterance, I always find myself having several of those JD-on-Scrubs types of imaginary scenarios. (If you don't watch Scrubs, I'm sorry, but see how I've conveniently provided a link because I'm awesome like that.)

Scenario 1: "Shame on you!" I respond by mooning the admonisher (entirely possible if I actually lose these last 35 pounds and am feeling really confident about my butt). 2: "You should be ashamed of yourself!" I retort "And you should be ashamed for wearing that outfit - it's making my eyes hurt." 3: "Shame on you!" I vomit on their shoes. 4. "You should be ashamed of yourself!" I sigh, "Well, you would know - with all that goes on in your house, you could give lessons on being ashamed." And here's my favorite: "Shame on you!" - I burst into tears and grab the person's hand, and holding it to my cheek, I sob, "I know. I know. I'm so ashamed! Don't look at me! I'm terrible, I'm worthless. I wish I were dead. I deserve no mercy. Punish me! You're so much better than me. Teach me. Please teach me, oh, superior one!" And then I laugh my ass off as I walk away.

Now, please don't think I'm having these phrases hurled at me very frequently. I'm not exactly Ruth Madoff , but I have heard it twice in the past 3 or 4 months, which is twice more than I can ever remember. The first was during the "Attack of the Game Moms" incident, and the second was when I posted a snarky response to a post on a Twittermoms group. The details aren't that important - the point is that the sheer bald-faced superiority and condemnation delivered with these phrases really makes the admonishment itself lose all meaning. Maybe I have an over-developed sense of irony. I actually got to thinking about this because it almost seems like the whole "shame" thing is down-right trendy lately. Between the AIG people, the Madoffs, octomom, and the rantings of Anne Coulter, there's enough shame going around to allow us all a few minutes of indignant superiority. But it fades so quickly, because then we're on the flip side for basking in our own faultless glory. Round and round it goes. Shameful.

25 comments:

  1. You should be ashamed of not writing this sooner. :)

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  2. shame LOVES tequila...*cheers*

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  3. It's crazy to me that anyone would ever say "shame" to anyone! Enjoyable post :)

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  4. Shame on me for not finding your blog sooner!

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  5. Thanks for stopping by tonight for the drink. Good choice with the Mojito. Totally should have put that one on the list! One of my favorite summer drink!

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  6. I love your posts! Totally adding you to favorites. ;)

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  7. Urg...Tequila, not good memories.
    But that's Ok, you made me laugh and forget all about it. What were we talking about?
    Oh hell, pass me another drink.

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  8. What a fun blog! I love the design!
    Happy GNO!!!

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  9. One tequila, twoo tequila, threee tequila...floor! Happy VGNO =) Thanks for stopping by!

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  10. Tequila is not one of my better friends... ;)

    Happy VGNO! :)

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  11. oh tequila! thanks so much for stopping by my party :O) Happy VGNO!!!

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  12. Okay, call me out of touch (Or Justine), but who are the Madoff's? I don't get around much. LOL

    Justine :o )

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  13. Love your blog design. Stopping in to say thanks for coming over at last night's VGNO.

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  14. Because of my last two entries on my blog I got one sweet backhanded 'you should be ashamed of yourself email' and I've yet to reply back with my form of groveling apology. I think several of your examples will fit nicely! I shall try one.
    You know, I think wit is one of the most beautiful forms of making light or adding humor to a situation. To bad some people don't get it. I happen to find your wit and writing abilities about things most brilliant.
    Well done and shame on us for enjoying it,
    Rebecca

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  15. I have JD moments, too, where I craft the perfect response to people who are bugging me!! Just stopping by from EC - love your site!!!

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  16. Vitamin T all the way, man!

    My favorite day-dream retort is always:
    "Do you know what your problem is?"

    A1: "No! and don't tell me! I don't want to ruin the mystery!!"

    A2: "Yes, thank you for noticing!"

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  17. It's a crying shame, isn't it?

    We women are such bitches to each other.

    My usual response is to laugh. They hate that.

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  18. although i wrote here a few days ago i still think this is a fab blog :)

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  19. Tee hee, someone who shares my snarky sense of humor. Fab. :o)

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  20. You know how to deal with allegedly "morally superior" types? Irritate the hell out of them.

    Works wonders...

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  21. You are too funny!! Thanks for coming to my blog!! I love yours..have a great day/night

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  22. lol I'm ashamed and I don't even know what was said! I'll just take total responsibility for things going wrong. It is ingrained. lol

    Speaking of AIG, I drove past the headquarters today on Rte. 66 in Neptune and they have blacked our the 'AIG' portion of the sign. It now just says 'American General'. Oh yeah, I will never remember it used to say 'AIG'. LOL

    Thanks for the tequila!

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  23. Shame on you...for being so funny!
    lol

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  24. stopping by from EC to drop and say HI...
    so glad I did I will be here for hours reading now lol

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