Monday, May 4, 2009

Social Graceless

Today's flavor: cucumber sandwich - the preferred tasteless social food of the prim and proper.

So, the other day, I pick up my kids at school, and when I run into another mom with whom I'm barely acquainted, and I'm greeted with "Hi! How are you?" I say "I'm hungry and I wish I was sitting on my couch with the TV, a cozy blanket and a pint of Haagen Daz, but I'm here because I have to be responsible. But you don't actually care, so why are you asking? And I'm not going to ask how you are because I don't care and I really just want to get my kids and get out of here." It was so great...Well, in my mind, it was great, because my actual response came out more like: "Great, great. How are you?"
Crap. I have impeccable manners. Truly. I say please, thank you, excuse me, in all the right places. I don't liter, I hold doors open for who ever is behind me. I greet store clerks cordially and I don't snap at wait-staff, even when they suck. I even, heaven help me, say "have a nice day" on a regular basis. That's all good, right? Sometimes, I cringe at my own finely tuned social graces and tidy manners. Whenever I find myself engaging in small talk - or worse, when I initiate small talk - there's a part of me that's screaming or gagging. But on the outside all you see is a perfunctory smile nailed to my face, and possibly my head bobbing stupidly up and down.
It's not that I want to be mean or unfriendly - I just hate small talk and the banality inherent to presenting a civilized demeanor. As Elaine said on Seinfeld, "Why does everything have to have a social component?" then she pretended to be deaf in order to not have to make small talk with a car service driver. I totally get that. I'm sure I'd go to hell for pretending to be deaf - not that I would do such a thing (ummm, I probably wouldn't do it), but I get it.
Sadly, for aesthetic reasons, I can only wear my flair online.

25 comments:

  1. Smile and Nod - that's my mantra.

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  2. There's a fabulous Seinfeld episode (I find) for almost all of life's experiences, including one in which Elaine pretends to be deaf. Personally, I've always had troubles with accepting "How are you?" as a casual greeting rather than an actual question. When I lived in Prague, my students (adults) would often comment on this--in their minds--"American" habit. I totally get where you're coming from :)

    http://BrigaBauble.blogspot.com

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  3. You and me both. Completely incapable of small talk. But I happen to like it that way.

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  4. You crack me up. Much appreciated.

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  5. Oh, that cracked me up too, because I always, always wanted to say that when I was picking up my girls from school!

    But like you I smiled (as best I could) and said my lines.

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  6. *raises hand* guilty of pretending to be deaf... Especially when being hounded by salespeople in the mall or people trying to sell things in parking lots. My daughter is deaf, so I just sign with my kids and pretend I didn't hear anything. Ya, I feel pretty evil sometimes... Sometimes.

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  7. Oh I hate small talk too! Love your in-your-head response! Lol!


    TGIF!

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  8. Way to tell her! Practice makes perfect, huh?! When you finally get it out, it will be harsh! Heehee!

    Happy VGNO!

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  9. Happy Mother's Day to you and Happy VGNO

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  10. OMGosh, I love those buttons! LOLOL!!!!! Happy VGNO!

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  11. I'm from New England, we just pretend we don't hear you and walk away! Happy VGNO : )

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  12. I know what you mean. Just dont waste my time I have more important things I can be doing. HAPPY VGNO

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  13. Oh man, I'm right there with you!! I don't know why I make such small talk, but I do!! Happy VGNO and happy Mother's Day!

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  14. Stopping by for VGNO...love those buttons :-)

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  15. Happy VGNO...we are destined to be friends, I think. :) I recently moved from NYC to the middle of ALABAMA! The manners are insane, and I'm a native southerner! The buttons are fantastic. Great to "meet" you! I'll surely visit again.

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  16. Funny! I grew up in a country where small talk was non-existent. Small talk did make me a bit uncomfortable at first, but 20 or so years of daily small talk assaults made me weak and finally gave in. The process of assimilation had been completed. When in Rome...

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  17. Not a big fan of small talk here either, especially when it's just for the sake of being polite. Yet I find myself involved on a daily basis. Sigh...

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  18. Was gone this weekend. Hope you had a great VGNO!

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  19. Being polite is part of your charming, proper self so am glad to see you embrace it! BTW, would love to know what flavor of Hagen Daz!

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  20. This is my first time reading your blog. I love it!

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  21. I really needed to read this today. I'm cracking up. I have the problem of always telling everyone exactly how I am, and I know they really don't want to know but I figure it'll teach 'em for asking in the first place.

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  22. Small talk...UGH! I don't like it because I'm really bad at it and I always throw something weird out there that just ends up getting a puzzled look in return!

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  23. LMAO - that is great! I wish I could say what I'm really thinking at times too! btw- thanks for your comment on my blog - that's exactly why I drop EC's also - to find awesome blogs like yours. I'll definitely be checking back here!
    Cheers.

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  24. These buttons crack me up, no matter how many times I see them. Thanks for the laugh!

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  25. Oh my goodness!!!! Did I write this post?! I'm the same way *smiles* I will be all sweet and nice & on the inside I am saying, "Shut up, go away, shut up, go away, shut up, go away." Well, normally my language is a bit fouler but *smiles*

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